To Much Pressure!

I struggle with a lot of setbacks and tests being a writer. Not only am I dyslexia and have no idea where to put commas, etc. but I shake really bad which in turn, makes my writing really messy.

As far back as I can remember I have always had a shaking problem. If I am nervous, it shows and my whole body won’t stay still. If I am uncomfortable, it stands out so bad which makes me shake more knowing it's so obvious. 

I have so many people that don't know me always ask, "Are you okay?" 

I just brush it off with an up in the air joke about my shaking and try to ease my nerves. 

Unfortunately, this also impacts my writing life when it comes to signing books. I am so nervous and worried my bad writing will be judged or that I will make an error that my words are choppy, messy and not perfect.

I really pride myself in how far I have come, especially from where I came from. I try so hard to infuse that pride when signing a book, that this special person supporting me should have the best writing ever... Never happens. 

I sit here and wonder as I type this out, am I putting too much pressure on myself? Is it making the problem worse? 

I never wanted to start a blog, because of my dyslexia and I am so worried about being judged by others if the wrong word is used. Or, the comma is in the wrong spot.

Then I ask, am I over thinking everything?

In a world that seems so chaotic, I find myself trying to be perfect, which will never happen. 

I cannot make everyone happy. I cannot write with a perfect hand. I cannot type with a perfect knowledge of the English language. I know all this, yet I still put that pressure on myself. 

I need to learn to let go and embrace who I am and who I have become. 

So what if I make mistakes. I am only human. 

Who cares if I can’t write neatly? I am only human.

But, I still don’t believe the words that come out of my mouth and still strive to be better... I am only human, after all, :p